Diary: Jun 2010-Jan 2011

June 14, 2010. This month marks my second anniversary at MAARS. I have learned many things in that time but one thing is reinforced every visit. Long-term relationships are what these birds are all about. Yet, for the human caregiver, it takes a lot of time and patience to even open the door to a long-term relationship. It takes a long time to become friends.

Through feeding, cleaning, bathing, changing water and just visiting, the volunteers develop a familiarity, a camaraderie with the flock. Every visit brings the chance of a step further to becoming friends—or sometimes not.

Even after two years of sharing yogurt with Bob, he still bites me when I'm in his territory and he's out. However, I've noticed that the attack is not as angry or forceful as it once was. Rasta still pinches my fingers when I change his water, but he does not dive at my head anymore. Bobbi, who came to MAARS terrified of women, now follows me on my rounds in his room, introducing himself over and over. Little steps, but I call it great progress.

Peanut seems more confident in general. Some days when she is on her perch, she stretches out her beautiful wings until they stretch their length. For a macaw that spent 10 years of her life in a cage so small she could barely turn around, this is a powerful and wonderful statement of "I am!" I love to see her show herself; she has been timid for so long. I wonder if her roommates notice the new assertiveness!

August 9, 2010. Peanut and I continue to be friends, though I have noticed that she no longer wants to step up and go for a walk. She is cordial and content to sit on her perch, as I feed her delectable peanuts and grapes from my lunch. I love the way her big beak tickles my palm ever so gently when she is retrieving a treat. She still dips her head and dances to her favorite show tune; but she shies away and makes her exit when I suggest she climb aboard for a stroll. I am broken-hearted but I honor and respect her wishes.

I ask my colleagues about this change. Some say that perhaps I have gone as far as Peanut wants to go with me; that I have fulfilled my role somehow and moved on to simply caretaker. I am fine with that, but it saddens me that Peanut does not seem to have any bird friends, and, though all her human friends love her, she is selective about whom she loves. It feels lonely. I'm sure Peanut has many stories to tell; we can only guess what still haunts her.

Meanwhile, I am starting to work with Corry, a bare-eyed Cockatoo, and a resident of The Landing for several years. Corry suffers from stereotypy. He moves his feet in a very deliberate way; he circles; he twists his head around and around and makes an awful screech, and he constantly clicks his beak open and shut. Corry attacks volunteers' heads unannounced and can be quite scary. Who can blame many of the volunteers for not wanting to spend time with him? What horrors did Corry experience that have kept such a grip on him emotionally?

Somehow, though, one day he chose me as a friend, much to my surprise! I wonder if it is because Corry used to live next to Peanut and would "sit in" on our visits. Perhaps I made a friend who was watching me from the side. In any case, I am thrilled to be one of the chosen, and Corry seems to like being cuddled. He is so soft.

Our task will be to work on the stresses that compel his stereotypy. If he can feel more comfortable with himself, in his surroundings, perhaps he won't feel so threatened or territorial with people, thus attacking the volunteers. After all, the more friends he makes, the happier he will be. Perhaps we can loosen the psychological shackles that remain from the terror and helpless despair of his past.

October 25, 2010. One of the senior staff told me about a new volunteer named Laurie, who has developed a relationship with Peanut. Laurie has some smaller birds of her own but saw something in Peanut that spoke to her. Peanut must have seen the same because a poignant and lovely friendship is budding. Apparently, one day Laurie was hugging Peanut to her chest when Peanut opened up with a prolonged series of cries and babble. Laurie felt Peanut had just expunged herself of the misery and fears of her past. Laurie said they both were exhausted, but content afterwards.

I knew I had to meet this Laurie that has so captivated my Macaw friend! And when I did, I saw what Peanut sees: a peaceful, happy, caring individual. Laurie makes sure she leaves all problems at home, as the birds can detect a bad humor, and puts on her "crown" of light, she explains, before she walks in the door.

As she speaks, Peanut is swinging merrily on her enclosure swing. I am so proud of you, Peanut. You are a star! And I love you.

January 17, 2011. Peanut is in love! Laurie and Peanut have become very close. Peanut follows Laurie on her rounds, and if she does not see her, she will walk in search of Laurie. What is so amazing about this is that Peanut hates to walk on the floor and absolutely cannot be persuaded to do so!

Not only is Peanut stepping out of her comfort zone to leave the safety and familiarity of her room, but she is also comfortable walking on the floor to find Laurie!

This is a step that many of the volunteers did not know they would ever see from Peanut. We are so thrilled and I wonder if Peanut might not have had the courage to give of herself had we not worked together this past year. She is developing the confidence needed to put herself out there and stretch her world. She now even lets me give her a good head scratch, something she rarely permitted before. I think she is becoming more sure of herself. The best news is that when Laurie gets her own place to live, she will adopt Peanut herself. And that would be the happiest of all story endings.

Peanut and I will continue to chat and visit and play, but maybe now is the time to offer Corry some one-on-one. I have seen what the power of individual contact can have in an institutionalized setting. The touch of a hand, a shared muffin, someone to listen to what needs to be said, despite a "foreign" language. That is the beginning of a meaningful friendship.

Diary: Jan-Apr 2010

January 31, 2010. August will mark one year that I have been working with Peanut. I must say that over this time I have noticed a remarkable change in her. For one, she is much friendlier to volunteers and even shows curiosity when unfamiliar visitors approach. Some volunteers have said it is much easier to clean Peanut's enclosure as she is no longer as defensive, and sometimes she even helps them. Peanut is also more outspoken, saying "Hi," "How are you" and "Hello." One day as I was trying to feed Papagaillo, her Severe Macaw neighbor, a sunflower seed and kept dropping it instead on the floor, each time it fell, Peanut said "Uh oh." She not only knew exactly what had happened and anticipated the emotion involved (like my own embarrassment for repeatedly dropping the seed!), but she wanted to be involved.

February 7. Today she stepped onto my arm and we went for a walk around the building! This was a first. She was initially somewhat nervous on our "tour." Her eyes darted back and forth and she kept leaning backward toward her cage. But as we talked together and peered into the rooms with the smaller birds, she gradually relaxed.

We went all over the Landing. We went up front to the lobby and looked out the window and then back to the kitchen to the sights and smells of fresh vegetables cooking and the laundry drying. Peanut liked the sink and seeing the water come out of the faucet. She also loves the cabinet where we keep the towels. So fascinating, all those layers and textures and smells! When I took her back to her perch, we both were exhilarated and somewhat proud of what we'd just accomplished. Galiena, MAARS Intake Coordinator, says I should try and do that with Peanut every week. I would love to. Let's see what happens next week.

February 14. After the last time together and our big adventure, I thought Peanut would want to try a walk again. But I was wrong. Today it was as if we had not shared an adventure at all. We are back to previous stages where she used to run from me when I approached her to stroke her on the head. Perhaps the walk last week was too scary and she needs more time to process what she experienced. Yet I'm told it's important for the residents to move out of their comfort zones when they know they are in a safe environment. But then, what and when a place feels "safe" are relative to the individual and how they feel at a given time. I am always reading, watching and learning to better understand these complex and deep individuals.

February 21. Peanut still did not want to get close to me for a step-up, though she still likes to come over for treats and tail and wing petting. Every time I try for a "step-up," she runs away. "Stepping up" is when a parrot agrees to step onto your hand to sit. Stepping up sounds simple but it is not.

Nearly all parrots that come to sanctuary have been abused by people. In fact, by definition, parrots in captivity are abused because they are held forcibly. Even though their human guardians may love and care for them, birds in captivity lack that essential ingredient in life: full agency, the ability to be the guiding instrument of their own lives. Most veterinarians and bird trainers require the bird to step-up on command, which reflects the traditional mentality that animals do not have a say in what happens to them, but must obey human wishes. In sanctuary, we invite and ask the resident if they would like to step-up. If they do not wish to, then we do not coerce or force them to. If it is important, for example, to examine a wound, then we explain to the parrot why it is important to step-up and how it is beneficial for the parrot. This process is one example of our participatory philosophy.

Galiena has observed that Peanut seems to have a higher fear level than many of the other birds. She suggests that I show confidence and not back down automatically even though Peanut threatens to bite. There are real bites and fake bites meant to scare me off. The idea is that if I show confidence, then Peanut will feel safer and less fearful engaging in a new situation. However, if Peanut continues to be reluctant to step-up, then I will wait, as she is too scared. Peanut's needs and pace are what guide the process. Patience, and being cued by what Peanut wants, not me or my time schedule, is a virtue I am learning all the time.

March 21. A month later, Peanut surprised me by stepping up on her own and with confidence—I think it took her by surprise too, but somehow it happened. We took another walk around the grounds and she seemed cautious, but curious. It was very relaxed. I hope to be successful again soon! I am learning her favorite song on the penny whistle so I can play it for her. I'm anxious to see what she'll think of music.

We have been trying some different ways to play and interact to get her more relaxed around people and not so protective of her enclosure, that is, to feel that the Landing is her home and the people who work there are not going to hurt her. When she realizes that, it will also show that she has regained confidence in her own self again, and believes in herself.

April 4. I think hard to find ways to bring Peanut enjoyment, like bringing her pinecones from the woods that she loves to chew up as I watch on. If I look away, or pay attention to another bird during the chew, she gets irritated and squawks. Above all, parrots are social: social eaters, social players, social beings.

I laugh that I am turning her into a diva who requires all the attention to be focused on her. It's not like spoiling your dog or cat. It's different for captive creatures. The Landing is really only providing so very little compared to what the birds' lives would be outside barred captivity. Her "diva" like behavior is really a sign she is getting more confident. She even gave a cautious kiss to one of the volunteers and enjoyed a spoonful of yogurt from Maggie, one of our volunteers. And I have watched Peanut protect her spot on the shared room perch from Rascal, the Amazon, who likes to take his place there too. Not bad for a Macaw who had no social interaction with people or birds for ten years. What a traumatic life that must have been.

As the anniversary of our first year together approaches, I have seen and learned that all creatures are kin under the skin. We each want love and attention, to feel valued and respected. It's harder for the birds because we often fail to understand what they are saying when they do not use words to which we are accustomed.

Amazingly we are finding that a loving touch, soothing voice and some individualized care and consideration can alter mood and mind. I am seeing it first-hand and it is quite thrilling. More about Peanut next time and initial work with Corry, the bare-eyed cockatoo who attacks unannounced!

Peanut Diary #1

"I first came to work at MAARS having no formal training or background in either avian studies or psychology. When I arrived at The Landing, MAARS’ sanctuary grounds, Dr. Joseph P. Yenkosky, a clinical psychologist, introduced me to a several week study in basic bird anatomy, psychology, and behavior. During this process, I learned a key element in understanding how important it is to match oneself, the caregiver/therapist, with a specific bird individual/client. It was critical that I first develop a trusting relationship with one of the parrots, and that the parrot would probably choose me rather than the other way around.

My work at MAARS began by doing typical volunteer shift duties that include cleaning cages and water dishes, giving birds their daily showers, and becoming familiar with the flock. After a couple months, a blue and gold macaw named Peanut started to show some interest in me, and a partnership was born.

Before coming to MAARS, Peanut lived for over ten years in a cage too small that did not even permit her to stretch her wings fully. Her right shoulder has atrophied. She cannot spread her wings or fly. The stress of confinement has caused her to pluck all the feathers from her chest and legs. We began to work together one-on-one with in the first week of August 2009.